So drunk its hurt
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
