All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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