my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
