You just made me feel so damn special
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I want to have your abortion
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
