First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
