I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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