So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
