She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He passed out mid-signature
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
