The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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