If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Randomize
