Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
