I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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