R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
