no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
