Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
