Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
