and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
