Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
