to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
