I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
