i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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