this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
