dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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