You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
