he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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