I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
