In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
