So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
