Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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