I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
