then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
