I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
