Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Randomize
