i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
