is your mom at the bar?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
