why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
