just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
