Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
