she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
