He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
