I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
