apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
