I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The best revenge is premature balding
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
