Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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