hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
