is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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