All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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