I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
