So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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