She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
