my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
